What should i do about my past?

when i was younger my family was very secluded. my father had a drinking problem, he would tell us kids he wasn't ready to settle down and its our fault he is always in a bad mood, so he went out and got drunk all the time, he would come home and rip us out of bed pulling us by our wrist downstairs and yell at us with the beer being spit on our faces as he was yelling. my mother never has worked in her life nor got a license so she would never go anywhere. we grew up in the country and would use our imaginations to p the time but when 9pm came around we would rush upstairs praying our father wasn't mad at the world tonight. my mom and dad both smoked and my father would spend 20 dollars a night getting drunk so you figure they spent about 200 dollars a week on beer and cigs, my dad only made 250 a week. holidays we spent without gifts but when we did we got notepads from a thrift shop, and i though our family was normal then everyone Else's.boy was i wrong. i remember one birthday my gma gave me 10 dollars in a card and i was excited my dad was taking me into town to get McDonald's which was rare, but the car ped McDonald's and the car stopped at a gas station and my dad bought cigarettes with my birthday money and got me a 1 fry with whatever was left over. i would go to school with smoke smelling clothes and shaggy hair because we didn't have money to get it cut, me and my dad only see each other because we have to and i can honestly say when we speak its 3 words and a argument. i ordered pizza the other day and i forgot to get money out for the tip so i took 2 dollars out of my kids piggy bank for the pizza guy. and half way through eating i balled my eyes out because i knew how it felt, so i rushed down to the bank and put a 20 dollar bill back in it. i can see parts of my dad in me that i hate so much but i think i do good by correcting them and taking my kids out and opening their eyes with new activities i read to them for a hour before bed and we have singing lessons twice a week, i just graduated from the police academy and it now seems like my dad is jealous of me. he says things like you think your a man because you can carry a gun? idk just off the wall stuff. i dont know what to do anymore i cant get over my anger from my childhood, but i wont give up im trying things that are new like making sure i look my kids in the eyes and tell them i love them, i just need some advice or input on what you guys think thanks alot